I know everyone has experienced SAPA at least once, but I am 100% certain no one has experienced mine. I mean, have you guys ever had to drink garri for breakfast, no? Plus, the painful thing is I am still not looking at it from a retrospective POV. I am still broke. Sighs. One could call it my default setting at this point.
Disclaimer: All the characters and events depicted are fictitious. Any resemblance to a person living or dead is purely coincidental.
Shawarma
It is common knowledge that dating is for rich people. But I found out the hard way. I liked a girl, and she liked food. Talk of the worst pair up.
I dress and talk nice. At first glance, one would think my pocket was nice too. And that was what my crush thought. Once, I followed her to her hostel's gate. Unfortunately for me, the shawarma stand was open, and the short man at the stand thought it funny to taunt me into buying shawarma for the “fine gal” with me. I only had ₦1,600. I had planned to split it for five days. It was a drill I was accustomed to. But my crush wanted shawarma, she was worth the five days of garri drinking. It wasn’t like this was my first time.
I conceded and got one for her. She declined saying her roommate had already prepared something, and she was just testing me. Testing me?? My roommate who was with me burst out laughing immediately she left. I tried so hard to hold back tears. I ate the shawarma slowly that night and with pain. Who knew Shawarma could taste so salty?
Strolling
I liked strolling. It had nothing to do with the fact that Asherifa, where I stay, was now a ₦200 ride to campus. I had leg muscles to build you know. Plus, it is healthy. But I wish people saw it as a lifestyle choice and not a byproduct of my circumstance.
I brought the strolling concept to date night. It was a perfect, romantic idea, and it had nothing to do with the fact that it was cost-effective. I liked the full moon and stars at night.
We walked around Oduduwa estate twice till we were both worn out, then I bought ₦500 suya at the end of the trip. It beats any ₦10k date you could think of. I wonder why she didn’t agree for a second date.
Debit Alert
I was on campus with friends. We were reading and preparing for an exam when I decided to withdraw. Oluchi was with my phone. She was going through pictures and listening to songs.
I went to a POS stand to withdraw my last too-kay even though I knew better than to use a POS. The last time I tried, the cashier had said “insufficient balance” while there was a long line of pretty girls behind me. But I was desperate. I need me some chilled coke and bread, and no ATM was dispensing.
When I got back, Oluchi had seen the alert pop up on my phone.
“Ade, you have nothing in your account!”
I wanted to sink to the earth, but being accustomed to these scenarios. I played my best card.
“I have two accounts.”
I did have two accounts, but the other one was for tweets.
Investment and Saving
Bolu thinks my “propensity to penury” is a choice. Like I woke one morning and said “maybe I should be broke today.” I do want to save and invest, but guess what? Only the living do that sort of thing. I am only trying to survive here. Give me a break.
You think I haven’t tried to invest? Once I tried crypto with my last 5k. My friend had said it would double by the weekend “it is going to the moon,” so I was hopeful. Ten thousand naira was a lot of money, but guess what? The coin dipped immediately I bought it. I mean, one has to commend its timing.
Emeka
I would like to address Emeka. The rich guy giving Sapa people a good rep. We all know you are not drinking garri, and I know you have eaten cause I saw you buy spag and two sardines at the Mart. So Emeka, what does the “garri again” mean exactly? It makes it difficult for helpers to believe the real SAPA stories, like mine.
I would have confronted you, but I knew it meant expending energy and having to take garri earlier than usual. So on that note, I wish upon you what you wish yourself.
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See you next week,
Love, Jide
