Let’s talk about some christians, shall we?

Don’t they amaze you? I mean it must be nice to know heaven is certain.

Hey humans! I figured I hadn’t done a formal slash serious introduction. New year, New you, right? Where are my manners? Before my brief intro, Happy new year people. Uhm, so I guess it is fair that you know who writes to you. Yeah, before we send down the hazy hell today, I think I should introduce myself. I am Jide. Few people call me Ayomide, fewer call me Ayomi. I am a Yoruba man, practically twenty years old. Yes, that’s about it for me. So to the subject of today...

Last month was the month of new year, new me, so that meant reading lots of nonfiction. I picked up a few, and I came to a notable conclusion. Atheists that were once christians or surrounded by them are the funniest nonfiction authors. I mean Neil de Grasse, Iann Morris, Mark Manson, Carl Sagan — these folks would crack you up. What’s with all the attacks on the “harmless" religions though. Plus, christianity takes a chunk of those hits. And I think I know why. We are the most daring...First to point, first to accuse. The all mighty Jesus worshippers! Talk of gay marriages; we are right in the comment section to remind the couples hell should be the theme of their marriage. With absolutely, absolutely no intent to watch porn at all, we are right in the comment section preaching to “porn watchers" who probably have one hand in their thigh that God will always love them. Even with elections, we are there too. We are so quick to paste our ideologies on the populace who are apparently “clueless" and need to be informed. And let’s not forget the never ending 666 theories. Apparently, even the COVID-19 vaccine was dragged into the talk.

Maybe they are sad because they don’t know God loves them.

Don’t get the wrong idea, I am a Christian. At least, I tell myself that. It is just that I get why the world might loathe christians. And no, it isn’t really about we not being of the world or something. We have some really annoying eggs that don’t believe it is possible to know about God and still not want to follow him. We tend to be very judgemental. Think humans that sin to be stupid cuz hell is imminent for them. We accost because even the smallest jokes like the one on the second paragraph means I am blaspheming. From here, I think I should tell you the reason why I no longer passionately go to church too. All of this started in 2020.

To make the ever fervent, ever holy christians happy, I believe “an idle mind is indeed the devil’s workshop." 2020 was the lockdown year. No church or work, so that meant a lot of time to do a lot of, well, nothing. I really got time to think. And reading about evolution or philosophy didn’t stir the thoughts in the alleged right position. Religion and science started to boggle me.

“For faith to really survive, do we need to kill reason?"

So yes, that is the million dollar question that several YouTube videos and Christian apologetics ensued. The problem was evolution made more sense than creationism, not that I am undermining the power of God or anything. It just aligned more with my logical being. It legit even in our biology textbooks. The fossils and all the other facts that support evolution. I remember getting scared to think about it. My church or parents shouldn’t even be asked the question. The last time my parent and I talked about eternal salvation, my mum started to look at me like we needed that deliverance service that every child had to go to once in their lifetime.

But questions are good and since I didn’t know anyone that wouldn’t look at me differently for asking them, I asked myself and the internet. Some people probably think the devil is on it in my brain, maybe. The internet wasn’t exactly helping the Christian side. I wanted to flaw science so that religion could make sense, but that was where I was wrong. Cuz when I started to see that science was infallibly right, I inherently started to flaw religion. If you have watched the ever fresh Smallfoot animated movie, you would get what I started to do. I pushed the thoughts down. “Is evo—" I will push it down. But like every vessel, overflowing is imminent. And for me it didn’t take long. The doubts rushed in, and the only anchor I had to the christian faith was Ravi Zacharias and C.S Lewis.

Ravi Zacharias and C.S Lewis didn’t push the questions down, but answered them. That is one of my problems with the local church and most of its members. They don’t answer questions. Most of them just ask for money. During times when people are starving, they want to renew the building. What the hell is wrong with the one we are staying in? Can’t renovation wait? I mean the church is the people not the building, right?

Politics, the toxicity, was overwhelming. A church that is meant to be spiritual ground was something else. Non believers are agents of devil rather than people who have decided on another faith or don’t just believe in yours. Most preachings are anchored on prosperity. The measure of god’s grace is in the plentitude of cars and filling stations you have.

God has become so trivialized that some local churches teach you how to cheat him. The love is not mutual. It is because you want to be rich. It is because you want something. The church fill their members with false hopes and stories. I mean it was hard to believe God was only dealing in the affairs of riches and healing. What happened to word of knowledge and spiritual gifts fgs? I don’t exactly remember Paul enjoying life. It is so reasonable that when poverty or illnesses sets in, the church scatters. If the entirety of a faith is rooted on such things, well, what’s expected. Religion isn’t a means to a physical end. I mean if it was, Elon musk would not be the richest. The issue of tithes...oh where do I begin!

When the Corona period became a lesser threat I got to school and met a church. You could ask questions. The pastor believed in evolution. The pastor understood the bible. He understood that unbelievers would have the questions like I had during the break and taught us how to answer them. He believed in perfect conviction. Unlike many damning christians that don’t even know their faith.

There are many things to be said, and more than ever I am ready to say them. A journey down the thoughts I thought too dark, too fragile to share. But to a more honest year, a year of antifragility, the journey has to start. Till next time, enjoy the rest of the month. Next up, the church that really felt like one. The church I didn’t feel estranged while in it. Pastor Ayo and his people, the start of a new resolution, the start of a new me.