It has been two hours, and all I can do is stare at my typing app while I wait for some kind of inspiration to fall on my head like the apple did on Newton’s. But considering how well the universe fares, I have once again been disappointed. Maybe I should write about the devastating experience I had at Nigeria’s worst zoo.
I got into a bus at the campus gate. During my ride, the air was scarce. By the time I got down, breathable air was like a new discovery. The bus was so tight that a can of sardines would be envious. And the way the bus shook I felt like it would fall apart any minute. God was I grateful when I figured my femur hadn’t smashed into my hips. But this is not an article about that. I mean, I should actually write one. What do you think?
Here is my experience in the zoo of the greatest Ife.
“Shey àti dé bè sir”
“A ti dé bè now. Shebi zoo le sọ?”
I could not believe my eyes. The signboard seemed to have aged poorly. But I wasn't going to judge the book by the cover, till I got down from the bike and walked towards the entrance.
I should have judged the book by the cover.
The cages and fences that surrounded the “garden” were rusty and spoke of years of no renovation.
The gate fee was a sum of ₦200, which I found pretentious. Everyone should be able to enter this “zoo” like they enter any other bush in OAU. I believe it is wise that OAU named their supposed zoo, a biological garden. It would be a big slap to drag the name "zoo" in the mud.
The guide was reluctant to even serve as a guide. She was probably utterly frustrated at seeing those animals. There were no directions, so students like my friend and I had to use the surplus power of instinct to navigate the garden. The only thing notable was the close semblance to a rainforest—barely thick forest trees, dead leaves, and floor-loving trunks.
Further into our trip, it was hard to believe that only the trees were dead. Maybe OAU mistook a museum for a zoo.
Our first encounter was meant to be a turtle, but I sincerely had my doubts. Yes, it was green or brown; the green coloured water really didn't help with the visuals. Argh, I am sure your gutters are cleaner than this poor turtle's dealing place. The place looked awful. It is a big surprise that the cemented wall around the animal still stood. The animal looked dead. It smeared all of the visuals I had of turtles from the NAT-GEO wild show. The scenery was an eyesore, so we didn't persist there.
The next was a crocodile or an alligator, I couldn't really tell. The state of its cage was the same as that of the turtle's. We were sure it was dead. Or playing dead. If the crocodile could move, we didn't wait long enough to find out. I mean, with the state of his cage, death would be mercy.
After scaling through loose branches with the incessant fear that a snake would fall from one of them, we saw a beautiful bird. It was literally the first thing we saw that wasn't green or brown. Ah yes, it was the first thing that moved too. I became hopeful from here. Maybe there will be more of what my partner in this threatening despicable bon voyage called Felicia. But with gross disappointment we saw pigs. In their defence, they were pretty big.
Moving out of the dark corridor of this forest, our eyes met a being that almost made my heart skip a bit. My friend held tightly to my hand when she saw the hyenas. The fence was so short. I am barely 6feet, and I towered over the wall. The fear that the hyenas would gather momentum and jump worried me. I tried my best to keep composure, but the hyenas were definitely not leaving that den. They were unfed, bored, and tired.
Our journey started to drag to a close until my friend started the lion chant. Really, where is the king of the jungle? The massive beast that holds the jungle with its terrifying roar. When we saw the lion, we are awed. Our dear king of the jungle could barely stand up. Literal tears almost came dropping😭.
Kini gbogbo nonsense yi.
The lions were so skinny. I doubt they could roar without passing out. Maybe they could squeak though. The cage was big at least, with regards to the other cages. The sign on the cage, written in Yoruba and on a god forsaken slab read
“Kiniun yi le pa eniyan.”
“Ah, these lions??” Howww? They couldn’t even move.
After the clearly “terrifying” experience with the lions, we wanted another share of “danger” so we went to the snake section. I smiled a little here. The snakes weren’t so bad. At least they looked capable of giving those kinds of crazy reflexes we saw in shows. They did, but no one got hurt. The cage wasn’t bad either, and the snakes looked healthy.
We moved further, and we saw the highlight of our trip; the ostriches. They were big and glorious. They looked well fed, and without doubt, alive. We stayed there for a while before heading back to the front. On our way to the front, we saw a peacock, a macaque, and some rabbits. Oh, lest I forget, there were several monkeys and baboons as well. They were pretty chatty if you ask me.
Any more words I write would be me hurling insults. The greatest Nigerian university can definitely do better😗.
In a way, it was a memorable visit. Would I want you to visit? No, not at all. You could visit the building next to it though.
Why don’t we talk about something more exciting? Well, you would have to wait till next Monday for that.
Have a nice week,
Jide
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